15 October 2018

[Bess Tuggle] - Memoirs of Surviving Children: The Ghost

We have a ghost.

Really, we have a ghost that resides with us. Her name is Gabriella, Gabby for short, and she’s usually a really good tenant. Usually.

The only problem we seem to have is when the kids come home to visit, especially the youngest one.

Thing 4 is the reason she decided to reside here. They’re good buddies. We all live peacefully together, until he brings a couple of his other friend’s home.

Jack Daniels and Jim Beam are the worst of the friends he invites. She gets up to ALL kinds of Shenanigans then!

We’ve had the hall rug rolled up to block the hallway bathroom. Change-catcher bowls turned upside down. Salt put into the pepper shaker and pepper put into the salt shaker (she had a little help with that one).

There was another time (again, she had some help) that EVERY SINGLE PICTURE in our house was turned side-ways or upside-down.

Our bathrooms have been fogged. For anyone that doesn’t know what a fog machine is, just know you shouldn’t get one. They create a “clean,” fun, fog, and I’ve been cleaning the drippings off the walls for –years-. Both bathrooms and Thing 4’s old bedroom still have stains from it.

I plan to catch Gabby. It’s time she moved to her best buddy’s place. I’m pretty sure she’ll enjoy it there.

With any luck, she’ll become good friends with my granddaughter and they can torture her father together.
Bess 

PS: All my children are of legal age, know not to drink and drive (Mama will kick their ass if they even think about it), but some of the stuff they’ve put me through as adults were tougher to deal with than when they were babies. Payback, or Karma, is a WONDERFUL thing! I wish them all children JUST LIKE THEM. Babysitting rates will be applied accordingly.

- Bess Tuggle



jack of all trades, Ms. Tuggle has been a Covington resident since the late 70’s. She's been a K-Mart cashier, cabinet builder, vet tech, office manager for a beef cattle ranch and water well company (where she was able to hold benefits for D.A.R.E. and Scouts), a court reporter, business manager, assistant at a private investigation firm, legal assistant, convenience store clerk, landscaper and elementary school substitute teacher.  Her greatest pleasure is being a wife, mother and grandmother.  Her stories are all real, and all names will be withheld to protect the innocent, and also maybe the guilty, depending on the crime & the Statute of Limitations.  

13 October 2018

[Perrin Lovett] - Double-Hitter: Democracy in America & Tolerating Totalitarian Tolerance

Democracy in America: A Charming Children’s Story

(Originally published Sunday, May 17, 2015 at www.perrinlovett.me).


I wrote this one a while back. M.B. always liked it and he’s been hounding me to repost it here. So, here goes. I reread and, in addition to still seeming funny, it’s still relevant. A few minor changes have been made to the body; at the end, you will find a short “update” commentary. Enjoy.


Last week I mentioned that an election was coming.  I also presented my own favorite candidate – Frank the Frog.  Frank will not win and the election is in vain.  Vote if you care. I don’t.
The Illustrious Barry Hussein El Islam Muhammad Obama the Magnificent has finished the job begun by his predecessors – the country is in ruins.  For his replacement, the Democrats have dug to the very bottom of the bag of wrinkled has-beens, to one Hillary Clinton, the wife of “good times” Bill, the Slickster.
The Republicans have other, similar ideas.  They would foist upon the people yet a third member of the Bush clan.  Obviously, the people are okay with two families maintaining a grip on national power for two or three or five decades.  Their business. Is there some national obsession with rats and roaches of which I am not completely aware?
In Iowa, the Republicans “think they must soften their image and expand their appeal in particular to women and Latino voters.”  I assume women and Latinos enjoy constant war, perpetual debt and crushing loads of government buffoonery.  Again, their business.
No one learns.  Ten thousand years of history demonstrate unequivocally that government does not work. Yet and still… Democrats love it. Republicans love it.  The people hoot and holler for it like chimps in a cage.
(Image: Google.)
Such fairy tales are humorous but foolish when taken seriously.  If the Democrats false egalitarianism had been real thirty years ago things might be better today.  If flag-worshipping Republicans actually had sought freedom, things might be better. In reality, their lies and deceit have done us in.
Following his in-depth observations of early nineteenth-century America, Frenchman Alexis de Tocqueville, wrote Democracy in America, 1835.  The book is a masterful account of the political and demographic expanse of early America.
De Tocqueville wrote of the three races in the new world at that time: whites, blacks, and indians.  He proposed that whites and blacks would have to get along together in a future in which they formed the vast majority of the populace.  The fate of the native people seemed doubtful to Tocqueville. Sensing there would be unnecessary, faction-based strife among the people for years to come, he refrained from any ultimate prediction in favor of a “time will tell” conclusion.
Time has told.  Following the two major parties, the people have chosen a sort of mass suicide followed by uncertain government-managed life support.  Currently, while the bloated carcass of the American public drools on the gurney, the plug is being pulled.
This all leads me to a charming little tale, told in the far distant future.
In the cold winter of 3187, in the nation of Utopia, two young children dined with their dear old grandfather.  Following the meal, the children enjoyed a brief holographic conversation with their parents. Mom and Dad were enjoying a well-deserved vacation on Mars.
As the evening deepened outside Grandpa built a cozy fire on the hearth.
“Come and tell me about your school day,” he eagerly beckoned.  Little Timmy and Suzy recounted with wonder the day’s history lesson.  “Teacher read to us from an old book by Alex Me Folkville!,” volunteered Timmy.  “It was all about the ancient Americans,” exclaimed Suzy.
Timmy inquired of the smiling old man, “Have you ever heard of the Americans?”
“Yes, they were once a great people,” said Grandpa with a sigh.
“What happened to them,” asked Suzy, snuggling under Grandpa’s flannel-clad arm.
(A future history unfolds. Image: Google.)
“Well, if you really want to know, I can tell you of the Americans and their strange fate,”  Grandpa began.

10 October 2018

[Kayla's Corner] - Fall Ramble, Pumpkin Festival, Haunted History Tour & Magnolia Village Market

Keeping an Eye on Covington & Beyond

Hey, y'all! So glad to be back & ready to kick off Fall! And How 'Bout Them Dawgs! Am I right!? Hope you all are enjoying the change of the seasons, though it may not feel like it just yet but from the buzz I've been hearing, it's right around the corner! Not much longer. Now let's talk about these wonderful, upcoming events we've got this weekend. 


If you haven't already heard, The Georgia Trust Fall Ramble is happening this weekend, starting on October 12th at 11AM & continues on Saturday (8AM) the 13th & Sunday the 14th (9AM). Get tickets & more info at The Georgia Trust for Historic Preservation

Make sure to check out these really cool homes! 


Mitcham Farm will be having their Pumpkin Festival this Saturday, October 13th from 12 - 6PM. This is a bring-the-whole-family event for everyone of all ages to have some serious fun! 

797 W Macedonia Church Rd Oxford, GA 30054
Fun for the whole family includes craft vendors, fall activities, food, music, and more! 

- Pumpkins
- Spookley the Square Pumpkin
- Giant corn maze
- Helicopter rides (additional fee)
- Live music by the Country River Band (12-4PM)
- Petting zoo & farm animals
- Food vendors
- Craft vendors
- Face painting


Ready for some spooky, adult fun? Porterdale, GA is going to be the place to be with Porterdale History Tour's Haunted History Ghost Tour & Investigation. Tours will be going on both weekend nights at 8:30 with the starting meeting spot at the groovy bar, The River Tavern. 2101 Main Street, Porterdale, GA. 


And as always, there's tons of great music going on around town! In particular, there's a big Saturday in Porterdale. At the Historic Porter Gymnasium (2201 Main Street, Porterdale), it's another edition of the Magnolia Village Market. 

Join Magnolia Village Market for our Fall Market! Enjoy shopping, local fare, beverages, live music and a sunset yoga class! It's an evening of fun under the beautiful Georgia sunset at the open-air venue in Porterdale, GA. Magnolia Village Market supports 20+ local vendors and artists at each Market.
Lasting from 5 to 9PM, the music lined up for the Fall Market is SO exciting! Two of the best groups in Newton Co. - Sweet Harmony & Leighlynn Shine - are both playing this event. 

After that, be sure to swing by The River Tavern & check out the debut of Stiff Kitty! Music starts at 9PM

Alright, guys. See you next time...

- Kayla 

Keeping an Eye on Covington

Author of TPC recurring piece, "Kayla's Corner," Ms. Leasure is originally a Walton Co. gal who studied marketing & advertising & loves the beach, the woods & her dogs while keeping herself busy with multiple projects & endeavors. She has her finger on the pulse of the home county like no other & is always "keeping an eye on Covington." A beautiful lady, inside & out, it is The Chronicles' true privilege to have her talents as part of our team. 

08 October 2018

[Bess Tuggle] - Memoirs of Surviving Children: Plastic Wrap & Other Hijinks

Summertime seemed to be a problem for us.  Well, maybe not us.  Just me.  The boys had a whole lot more time to get up to Shenanigans, and they took advantage of every single moment. 

            My boys’ spent one whole summer making bicycle trails.  The trails were elaborate.  The boys worked their butts off.  They cut scrub pines, dug out their trails, made jumps, ditches, and things I had a really hard time walking through.  I could walk down every single trail from the old house to the creek, in moccasins so they wouldn’t hear me coming, but this one challenged me.

            Then, they found my plastic wrap.  I never bought it at the grocery store – I bought the HUGE rolls from Sam’s Club.  Kinda, sorta, had to.  Bunch of kids, very few left-overs, but we didn’t waste food.  Ever.  If they didn’t eat it the pigs would.  SOMETHING would always eat it if it didn’t eat them first.  Last resort was the compost bin, so I could put it in the garden the next spring.  I’d get great tomatoes, melons, cucumbers.. and get to eat it again in some form or fashion.

Well, they found my plastic wrap, took it, and it was a major game changer on the bicycle paths.

            The boys took turns sneaking out, plastic wrap in hand, and wrapping it between trees.  You see where this is going, and you really can’t see that stuff until it’s about to take you out.  Barreling down a trail on a bicycle is not the right time to see it.  

            Racing the trails became a passion.  Up the path, down the hill, hit a jump – and then BAM!  Bike keeps going.  Kid on the ground.  No broken bones, but still…  Racing the trails was never boring.  Even trying to walk ‘em was a challenge. 

            Another special summer entertainment was stealing Mama’s braziers. 

Every single bra I owned disappeared.  Every single one.  We had one laundry room, six people’s clothes in it, so I guess mine was an easy target.

I finally found my bras.  They were nailed between trees.  My boys’ figured out you could launch more from a bra than you could from a sling-shot. 

All I can say is that I’ve survived so far.  The good, the bad and the ugly.



jack of all trades, Ms. Tuggle has been a Covington resident since the late 70’s. She's been a K-Mart cashier, cabinet builder, vet tech, office manager for a beef cattle ranch and water well company (where she was able to hold benefits for D.A.R.E. and Scouts), a court reporter, business manager, assistant at a private investigation firm, legal assistant, convenience store clerk, landscaper and elementary school substitute teacher.  Her greatest pleasure is being a wife, mother and grandmother.  Her stories are all real, and all names will be withheld to protect the innocent, and also maybe the guilty, depending on the crime & the Statute of Limitations.  

04 October 2018

[Perrin Lovett] - WORLD EXCLUSIVE: Interview with Another Victim: “Brett Kavanaugh Kidnapped, Raped, and Murdered Me…”

This is a C.F. Floyd first. Previously I had not contemplated the use of interviews. However, when something like the following comes along, I simply cannot pass on passing the portent along to the eager masses. And, heck, everyone loves a victim, right?

This particular woman chooses to remain anonymous, a condition I will honor. And, rather than drafting an article which, let’s face it, might be at odds with my column of two weeks ago, I decided to merely provide the transcript of my weekend encounter with “Miss. X.” Please read the whole thing and then draw your own conclusions.

The following story required me to travel a considerable distance into strange, undisclosed territory. Fans, you’re welcome. MB, expense report inbound.

Advisory: The following, which totally happened, may contain adult language.


10:00 PM (EST); Saturday, September 29, 2018; North America:

Perrin: Thank you for contacting me and for sharing your story with my readers, [Miss. X]. How are you this evening?

X: I’m… I… I’m a little nervous.

Perrin: That’s perfectly normal. You have nothing to worry ab…

Ben Shapiro (from under the table): Wow! You’re so tall! I find you a completely credible victim and I want all my fellow dark web intellectuals to know that…

Perrin: Shut you, you little shit! Back in the briefcase! … My apologies. It’s an editorial thing. Charity thing. Supposed to take him to Chuck-e-Cheese. Such a burden, such a burden. Um, let’s see…

X: Jordan Peterson is my favorite conservative.

Perrin: I’ll bet he is. Okay. Right to it. Just, in your own words. And briefly. Just tell us, me, tell me what happened between you and Judge Kavanaugh.

X: Well, this is so traumatic. A long time ago I knew Judge… I knew Mr. Kavanaugh. In fact. It’s hard to remember through the PTSD but. Brett Kavanaugh kidnapped, raped, and murdered me. He even stole my identity and my Blockbuster card. I feel so violated.

Perrin: He murdered you?

X: Yes! My lawyer. Uh, Senator Feinst… My therapist says I’m lucky to be alive.

Perrin: But a murder means you’re de… I’m sorry. Please continue.

X: I don’t know which is worse. The assault was terrible. Being killed was the worst thing that ever happened to me. But I … I just couldn’t rent a video under my own name for a week or two.

Perrin: When did this happen?

X: It was .... it was like 1985. Maybe 1987. Okay, I remember we were together in the spring of 1982. It was Spring Break in 1983. ‘84 at the latest. … … It could have been 1980. I know it happened.

Perrin: Safe to say during the 1980’s?

X: Yes. It was at a house party…

Perrin: And where was that?

X: It was a house party on someone’s boat.

Perrin: Do you remember the town?

X: It was walking distance from a sidewalk. He attacked me in the hotel room…

Perrin: Do you recall the area? The state?

X: Not so clearly. The boat. It was a larger boat. Like a yacht. Somewhere.

Perrin: Like here? Or New England? Maryland?

X: Maybe back out East. Or South. Middle Southeast. I can’t remember. My lawy… My therapist says it’s best to not get into details. It’s the accusation that matters.

Perrin: So, it was an attack during the 1980’s somewhere back middle Southeast? On a houseboat?

X: No. It was near the convention center. My dad was at a convention for CIA black bankers.

Perrin: Uh. Uh, how did you know Judge Kavanaugh?

X: I was in high school. Eighth grade. Maybe college. He was working out at the 7-11.

Perrin: And, you’re sure it was Kavanaugh? Did you know him from school or …

X: I wasn’t sure I remembered him specifically. My memory came back when Ms. Jackson-Lee came up with the grant funding. Then, I remembered it was Judge K. He said so.

Perrin: He told you his name?

X: Yes. He screamed out. He and the other guy, the dwarf, they were really drunk. I was stoned but, you know that drunk look, right?

Perrin (sipping Southern from the bottle): Oh, yes.

X: He and the Asian girl were drunk. And Brett yells out, he just, as he was stabbing me, he said: “I’m Brett Kavanaugh and I’m raping this bitch because that’s how I roll!” I have no idea how he got my Blockbuster card. It could have been one of the other men. Or the pony. I can’t even remember which purse I was carrying.

Perrin: So, he killed you by stabbing you? And he loudly identified himself while doing it?!

X: Yep. He was on top of me. He was joking with the four other girls and the umpire. He had a drink in one hand and a copy of Mein Kampf in the other. He was trying to get my lederhosen up with the third hand. Then, while he was strangling me to death, he admitted bombing the Hindenburg and doing 9/11. He said they framed Lindberg because Trump hates trans people.

Perrin: I uh. I. Let me just ask you. Did you report this to the police?

X: Mr. Greenstein, my attorney. He said something about the Fifth Amendment.

Perrin: Did anyone help you in concocting. In fabricating. Did anyone pay you to … to remember this account?

X: Diane said the money is for the grant. I work with gender issues at the college. And Greenstein wanted easy money. But, they say it’s important to the cause.

Perrin: What cause?

X: I have PTSD. Hashtag Me Too!

Perrin: Well, I mean… Have you contacted… You mentioned a “Jackson-Lee” and a “Diane.” Have you had any contact with the Democra … with any members of Congress?

X: They said that I could remain confidential. I can’t fly to D.C. I’m banned from Reagan. But I know what happened. I only fly Southwest on vacation.

Perrin: I …

X: Bart Kavanaugh tried to rob me and then he shot me. On the boat. In the hotel house. It happened. I feel it. 1988.

Perrin: I. Oh. Well, I think this will help a lot of people figure out…

X: Do they still have Blockbuster?

Perrin: I haven’t seen one in a wh…

X: Do you think the FBI will investigate this while they look at the other things?

Perrin: I’d be really careful with that. Uh.

Ben Shapiro: Id harb to breabth in heh...

Perrin: Eat your crackers and keep it down! Ah, hey, I gotta get the little guy back to the tree. I think we’re done here?

X: Oh, I just recalled. Bread Kavalall came by the guest migrant center where I work last week. He was with his gang homies. Bloods I think. He was in an Army tank and was running down nuns and children…

Perrin (hurriedly packing): Aaaaand, we’re done. Thanks.

X: He ran Dachau...

Perrin: Gotta go. Long drive. Bye!

NOT the actual alleged victim. Pic by Share Your Soles.


Alrighty, sports fans… Next week we should be back on track for a detailed account of the secret tunnel facility beneath “scenic” Helen, Georgia. That, and more, all for TPC.

PS: If yours was one of the 50 - 90 million Farcebook accounts recently compromised, you have only yourself to blame. DELETE!