The Piedmont Chronicles
~ est. 2010 ~
[State of GA]
A Love Letter to Rachael
By contributing writer Ellis Millsaps
Special to The Piedmont Chronicles
I have a crush on Rachael Maddow, and I hear some of the more informed of you saying, "wait a minute, Da, you're not going to bed Rachael Maddow. She's a lesbian."
Well...my crush on Rachael is no different from yours on Heather Locklear, Miley Cyrus, or Tom Cruise. My chances are just as good as yours. We're dealing with fantasy here, OK?
I've always had this thing for really clever brunettes - Audrey Hepburn, Kate Beckinsale, Grace Slick - and Rachael Maddow, beautiful and ever so slyly funny - she may be the smartest person on the planet.
And that last is the biggest reason I'll never score with Rachael, not the avowed lesbianism, but rather the fact the she would see right through me in 2 seconds and acknowledge that cesspool of arrogance, ignorance, and bravado that is me.
Which is not to say I haven't done pretty well with beautiful brunettes. One's now the Poet Laureate of Newfoundland, two daughters of Harvard educated doctors are doing quite well for themselves, and let's not forget - I did wed the ridiculously beautiful Cynthia Bolkcom, who bore me two brilliant children with movie star good looks.
Who knows, Rachael? If you're out there listening somewhere, this just might happen. Get you drunk at a spend-the-night party? I'm not without a certain charm and I do have a definite feminine side. You can be the butch one...
Ellis is an attorney by trade but has worn many hats over the years: father, bus boy, stand-up comedian, novelist, wiffle ball player, rock'n'roll band manager, and at one time wrote a popular and funny column for The Covington News. A Fannin Co. mountain boy originally, Mr. Millsaps now stays at the mill village of Porterdale by way of 20 years in Mansfield. Usually funny and at times irreverent and subversive, he leans left in his political philosophy but can always be counted on for a pretty darn good write-up. The Chronicles are proud to have him involved...