28 October 2019

Bess Tuggle's Memoirs of Surviving Children: The Tooth Fairy

I’ve got a news flash!  Did you know there’s more than one Tooth Fairy?

            Yes, friends and neighbors, there are.  It occurred to me many moons ago, but I’ve found that there is a large section of our population that remains unaware.

            When I was little, we had a cute little Tooth Fairy.  Not that we ever saw her, but she had to be little.  She -never- woke us up.  We always put our teeth under our pillow and were rewarded with a quarter for each and every one.  We got up in the morning, reached under the pillow, and had -money-.  We were RICH and PROUD of that gap in our teeth.

            When I had kids, we ended up with an old, clumsy Tooth Fairy.  Wouldn’t you know it?  It took a while to find out about her skills, or lack thereof.  Not sure we would have moved to that area had we known, but alas, there we were and we were stuck with her.

            I think it was on rare occasion our Tooth Fairy managed to sneak a tooth out and leave money.  She just couldn’t seem to do it.  I guess her hands were too big, or her wings too loud, but she couldn’t make the swap without waking a little head.

              It took a few years, but we finally came up the -perfect- solution!  Teeth were placed on the windowsill.  Sometimes it took a day or two, her vision wasn’t that great either, but eventually there -would- be a tooth replaced by money on the windowsill.  She was discriminating in her payoff, too!  If there was a cavity in a tooth, the best you could expect was a dime.  Generally, most teeth were worth fifty cents, but as those molars came out (without a cavity) she’d leave a whole dollar!  Those molars could buy a Match Box car!

            I don’t know what age the Tooth Fairy quits coming, regardless of the area you live in, but she does quit visiting.  We finally get to the point where -we- must have the darned things taken out and -we- pay for it, not her.  To add insult to injury, just when we need it most, she doesn’t subsidize the replacements. 

            My grandmother’s teeth were replaced decades ago.  They look nice, too.  No more worries about the Tooth Fairy.  My evening routine with my grandmother has always been “Nighty night.  Sleepy tight, and don’t let those bed-bugs bite.  If they do you BITE THEM BACK!” 

            I reminded her that her teeth were in a jar in the bathroom, so I’d just take care of biting those bed bugs for both of us.  While I can.

A jack of all trades, Ms. Tuggle has been a Covington resident since the late 70’s. She's been a K-Mart cashier, cabinet builder, vet tech, office manager for a beef cattle ranch and water well company (where she was able to hold benefits for D.A.R.E. and Scouts), a court reporter, business manager, assistant at a private investigation firm, legal assistant, convenience store clerk, landscaper and elementary school substitute teacher.  Her greatest pleasure is being a wife, mother and grandmother.  Her stories are all real, and all names will be withheld to protect the innocent, and also maybe the guilty, depending on the crime & the Statute of Limitations.  


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