17 February 2020

[Bess Tuggle's Memoirs of Surviving Children] - Thinking of Thing 1


I’d planned to write a sequel of “Lake People” this week, but my eldest took over my mind. My first and my worst…

It’s flu season, again, and it’s -really- bad this year. This sh!t can -kill- you! Doesn’t mean kids didn’t take advantage of it, though. They have and they will.

Back in the old days my eldest child learned how to “work it.” I mean the school clinic system, and he did it well.

My eldest, Thing 1, had a “difficult” digestive tract. If he ate fried catfish and followed it up with milk he’d run a fever. His doctor and I were clueless as to why this happened, but it happened every single time… Henderson’s was his favorite restaurant. Go figure.

The child finally started elementary school, but his “digestive” problems didn’t end there. He learned if he drank milk, followed by fruit juice, he’d puke. Yes, vomit. Everywhere. The cafeteria was his favorite place. And yes, Mama got called to school each and every time to check her “sick” child out. That would have been 4th or 5th grade. Not that I didn’t have three others in the school, and had to pick the rest of my crew two hours later... but…

After -months- of checking said child out of school, and becoming good friends with the clinic nurse, my kid finally got called out.

His dad picked him up from school, and he was instantly -cured-!

No more “laying on the couch” watching TV because you’re sick, or doing “chores” because you’re faking it. “Boot Camp 101” hit the FAN. The results were widespread and left a lasting impression. I’ll spare you the details. Just use your imagination. With four little boys’ and three bathrooms, there was never a lack of something to scrub.

Same kid, as a teenager (my mom might -spank- me for this – I’ve never told her), decided to experiment with mushrooms. Mama worked at a ranch, the ‘shrooms grew out of cow poop, word gets out.. what can I say?

The thing about mushrooms is that you can get worms from them. Thing 1 did.

I treated him just like I treated the dogs’ back then. One piece of bread and one to three drops of Ivermectin, depending on body size, for worms. He was bigger than my big dog, so he got the whole three-drop dose.

He wasn’t happy for about a week. The treatment wasn’t pleasant, but once it was done he was worm-free, and he never dragged his butt on the carpet.


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